you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just gift wrapped bread.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
