Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
