Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
