if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
