I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
