for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
