Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
