wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
