SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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