when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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