I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
