New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
two words: eviction party
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
