So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
