May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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