Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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