oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
