Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
COCAINE IS GR8
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
