I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Randomize
