Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
