drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
