She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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