just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
