"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
