wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
