i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
