i was rollin on her like bob the builder
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
