nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
