I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
