I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
