Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
