I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
