having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
