I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
