Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
