so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
