She's JV to your varsity
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
