hotel room ftw
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
