24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
