omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Shame is for Republicans.
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