dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
