i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
