my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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