theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
