So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
