just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
