I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
