blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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