I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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