When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
