He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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