I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
