i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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