she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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