Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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