Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
