I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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