Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Randomize
