fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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