The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
