when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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